Trips back home to Oklahoma are less about sightseeing or stops I think you cannot miss. Oklahoma is home. Oklahoma is a place I left eleven years ago. When I return, my writing usually zeroes in on things I observed. This trip was no different.
Uncle
I have had countless titles throughout my life. I have been called by many positions, but nothing really compares to the feeling of joy I get when being called Uncle Nathan.
I have never wanted children of my own. That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy being around them. All my nephews and nieces make me laugh, smile, and experience a changing world through their eyes. There is always an exchange of wisdom, and I love being asked to share some of what I have learned. Perhaps, my most favorite thing is that I get to experience the best of them. Unlike their parents, I rarely encounter their foul moods or poor attitudes. When they are with me, they are the best versions of themselves.
She Lives Alone
As a child, I hated the idea of my Granny Box living alone. Even then, I hoped my parents would have a long and happy life together. With an empty nest, I hoped they would travel the country, explore, and enjoy complete freedom. Life had other plans.
My father passed away in 2020 after a long and arduous battle with cancer. Now, one of my mom’s new titles is “widow.” While my mom is fiercely independent, I can hear it in her voice when I call, and I see it in her actions when I am in town that she is still navigating how to be alone. She fills her time with friends, grandkids, and countless obligations, but when she goes home at night, she is all alone. This is a fate I never wanted for her. This is a fact of life that makes it nearly impossible to hop on a plane and leave her there.
Meers/The Wichita Mountains
I have been coming to Meers and the Wichita Mountains all my life, but it has been 10+ years since my last visit. As a child, the height of Mt. Scott astounded me. As an adult who has hiked considerably the mountains of Washington and California, what used to astound me now seems so small in comparison. This perception does not detract from what makes this place special. Anywhere that we humans have carved out space to conserve and hold special is a place worthy of my admiration.
Working Remotely
In the pandemic's wake, the very nature of work has transformed. It took a public health crisis to reveal some simple truths. Technology has finally made it possible to work anywhere and remain productive. Employees no longer need to be chained to a desk for hours on end. Collaboration and teamwork can happen anywhere.
In this shift, I doubted my ability to find joy in remote work. I am an extrovert and some of my best friends in life are friends who began as co-workers. When I found my current job at Mercy Housing Northwest, they told me about an additional benefit. Employees would only be required to be in the office two days a week and we also had thirty days of "work from anywhere time" to use as we see fit.
Instantly, my attitude about remote work changed. For the first time in my professional career, I would find a balance between work and life. My trips to Oklahoma no longer had to be cut short because I needed to rush home for work. My office could be anywhere I wanted.
Clayton
As kids, Clayton and I were incredibly close. As we aged, our interests changed, and we started walking our own paths. Despite this, I have never wavered in my love or respect for Clayton. I am so profoundly proud of the man he has become. He is a better father and husband than I could have ever imagined.
Observing him over the years, I think a need to rise to the occasion has defined Clayton’s life. With his back up against the wall, he has continued to defy the odds and prove people wrong. As a man in his thirties, he finally appears to be comfortable in his own skin and sure of himself.
Leaving Them Here
Each member of my family is writing their own story. They are writing these stories without me there. The monumental shift in their narrative catches my eye from a distance, but the details connecting these peaks are often unknown to me. With every visit, I feel like a character with a recurring role in their story. I pop in for scripted visits, but the story continues when I leave.
OKC/LA
Driving around the Oklahoma City metro, a thought rushes over me. I have seen all this before. The metro is becoming an area defined by endless sprawl. We measure cities by the time it takes to cross them thanks to an endless sea of stoplights. We find density in the urban core, but almost nowhere else. Each city seems to be built with the automobile in mind and not the pedestrian. I have seen this before. I have experienced this before. Oklahoma City is repeating the mistakes of Los Angeles.
With no real geographic points of interest, the land is becoming an endless sea of shopping centers and big box stores. Public transportation is virtually nonexistent, and not something those of means ever use. The single-family home is still king, and nothing feels walkable. This has been true of Los Angeles for the last 50+ years and it is now true of Oklahoma City.
LA now finds itself forced to build for density and mass transit. A lack of affordability and decreasing quality of life demanded it. When will the citizens of OKC make the same demands?
20 Years
20 years ago, the Lambda Iota Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha was established at the University of Central Oklahoma. This was the reason for my trip. It is also a theme I want to give some more consideration via a longer essay. For now, I will say being in this room with these men celebrating our common connection filled my soul. Reconnecting, laughing, and reminiscing filled my tank in countless ways.
Gay Brothers in Oklahoma City
Since its founding twenty years ago, the Lambda Iota Chapter has become more accepting of those belonging to the LGBTQ+ community. As a man who went through college closeted, I never imagined in a million years there would be enough of us to take a group photo at a Pike reunion. I never imagined brothers bringing their partners to a gathering such as this. The thought of us hopping from gay bar to gay bar in OKC never seemed possible. I dreamed these thoughts, but never thought it possible. Time proved me wrong and healed a lot of wounds.
Mark Scott
My three best friends live in Oklahoma City. I have had no friendships in Seattle and LA that compare to the quality of the relationships I made in OKC. One of those friends is Mark Scott. For over 10 years, Mark Scott has been like a brother to me. Through good times and bad, he has been in my corner cheering for me. Words cannot express what his friendship has meant to me.
Be good to each other,
Nathan