Point B (15/15): The Destination That Changed Me

Travel solo. Travel solo, at least once in your life. If you are in the United States, take a road trip across your home state. Drive across this beautiful country of ours. Fly somewhere new or fly somewhere familiar, but do it alone. Book a plane ticket and head for some place your feet have never touched before.

I know the fear you may be feeling reading such a paragraph. I know the nightmare scenarios your mind may be exploring. I feel your anxiety. I have been there too, but I need you to trust me.

Traveling solo is an act of bravery that will change you. If travel can be boiled down to the act of moving from Point A to Point B, I am here to tell you that the person you meet at your destination after traveling solo will be brand new. By doing so, you will discover a braver, more capable, and confident version of yourself. Forced to depend solely on yourself, you will be tested and challenged in unimaginable ways. Your resourcefulness will be your only guide. Best laid plans will do what they always do, but I urge you to keep pressing forward. I am living proof that the rewards are worth the trials.

Back in 2011, I could have never imagined giving such advice to people. That version of myself was incapable of doing most things alone. But then, when I needed it the most, I found an insane moment of bravery and held on tightly with clenched fists as I pointed my car toward the Pacific Northwest.

Driving from Oklahoma to California, and then toward Seattle, I could feel myself changing with each new state line. I felt a goose-bump-inducing level of pride for my small wins. With each mile, I felt more open to new experiences. There was no one else to rely on, but the man driving his car toward new opportunities. I was beginning to realize my own power.

I arrived in Seattle. Here, I would make my stand among a mass of people, all of them strangers to me. For the first time in my life, I felt ready for whatever challenge might visit my doorstep. Before me would be unforeseeable tests that would challenge my resolve. In each of these episodes, I would begin to doubt my power. Then, I would recall the bravery it took to drive across the country, leaving everything I held dear in my rear view mirror.

Every setback or moment of celebration would find me reflecting on that pioneering spirit that drew me westward.

Confidently planted in my new home, this encounter with solo travel would inspire me to do more. It would take me to countless American cities. I would travel even further and plan a trip to Rio de Janeiro. In this bravery, I would find permission to pursue a thru-hike of the Pacific Crest Trail. It made the unbelievable task of leaving Seattle for Los Angeles a little less daunting.

Relishing my new superpower, I would discover a new truth. There are moments in this life that are meant to be shared with others. Seeing the world through the eyes of my partner or dear friends, I am reminded of the life changing and life affirming power of travel. In our collective awe, my cup is refilled. Reflecting on our shared experiences, I know I could not fully appreciate these moments if it had not been for a moment of bravery that drew me from the relative safety of Oklahoma.

It is not Rio, New York City, Vancouver, or any of the other countless destinations I have visited that changed me. Rather, it was the open road that pushed me to a place I now call home that changed the trajectory of my life. Without hesitation, it was the greatest decision of my life.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Potent Quotable (15/15): A Guiding Quote

In 2011, I began my nonprofit career in earnest at Kent Youth and Family Services. In those early days, I was amid a new beginning, far from family, friends, and the only home I had ever known. Transition coupled with work in a new sector made those early days challenging. In a way, I felt as if I was being tested. Watching friends buy homes, get married, and travel, while I struggled to keep food on the table because of my chosen field, kept me wrestling with jealousy and a false sense of martyrdom.

Attempting to divorce my ego from my sense of suffering sent me searching for something I could use as a north star. I needed a roadmap, story, lesson, or guiding quote to shade myself from the harshness of my reality. Then, out of the blue and when I needed it most, I stumbled across the following Greek proverb.

“A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit.”

The first time I read this quote, I was stunned. I read it repeatedly, attempting to fully understand every word in the sentence. As I sat with it and reflected a little longer, I discovered exactly what I needed. Since then, it has become an unofficial mission statement for my life. I often pair it with a personal motto that sums up the decisions that have delivered me to this point in my life.

“I wholeheartedly reject the tyranny of the expected.”

In celebration of 15 years of Natetheworld, I want to dig deeper into the quote, explore my personal motto, and reveal a new quote that will guide the next chapter of my life.

If you and I found ourselves bellied up to a bar discussing the greatest challenges facing our country and the world, I would tell you that I am most concerned with the rampant selfishness and cynicism I see on almost every street corner. I am utterly baffled by those who see injustices in our housing/food systems, injustices in our economy, and injustices in our society, then decide it isn’t their problem. Even more unsettling, I am disheartened by those with the power to bring about real change, but too cynical to try.

If our society has any real chance of saving itself, it must be able to operate and sacrifice without immediate thoughts turning toward personal benefit. While we may not experience homelessness, we must understand that housing those without homes benefits us all. While we may have plenty to eat, we must understand the plight of those who do not. While we may have never experienced discrimination, we must work to undo structural inequities.

If humanity has any chance of seeing a new dawn, it must plant selfless seeds without much care given to whoever benefits. Said in another way, we must choose to give a damn. We must work tirelessly, and we must realize we may never see the fruits of our work. Yet, we must persevere, knowing society will be made better by the work we started.

In our world, this sort of thinking is not perceived as the norm. Ayn Rand devotees and “the greed is good” crowd would have you believe selfishness is the ultimate aim. They preach with little regard given to the fact that success rarely trickles down. They move forward with a survival of the fittest mentality, and without much thought given to those left behind.

I wholeheartedly reject this lone of thinking. In fact, I wholeheartedly reject the tyranny of the expected. Instead, I implore you to chart a different path. Make up your own mind about religion, politics, home, work, marriage, and kids. Chart a different path beyond those examples that served your parents and their parents. As you push this new frontier, always consider how you can be of the most good, using the talents and treasure you have been afforded. This isn’t a trickle. This is a ripple effect with unimaginable possibilities.

For more than 10 years, this thinking has guided my employment choices. It has influenced who I have loved, how I loved, who I vote for, the entertainment I consume, and so much else. As I pause on this moment, I see an opportunity to transition and sharpen my focus. This season of change begins with a new quote to full explore.

“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.” -Mahatma Gandhi

When I speak, both verbally and non-verbally, I want to be a person who adds value to the conversation. I want my words to matter and carry strength. I don’t want to be another person who fills awkward silence with nonsense. Instead, I want to be a person who relishes moments of quiet reflection as opportunities to cherish the power weaved into these moments. I want to promote reflection over instant reactions. I want to hear from people who aren’t the loudest or most boisterous voices in the room. When I speak, I want people to know they have been heard, and I have considered their words with my whole being.

In my attempt, I will fail. I will break the silence with a joke. I will misspeak or fail to make a solid point. But I will keep trying. I will keep trying, because I am confident on the other side of this unknown chasm is a better leader, husband, friend, and community member. In this belief, I find a connection to a quote which began this journey. This is yet another seed for me to plant.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

15/15: Reflections on 15 Years of Natetheworld

15 years ago, I began a journey thanks to a friend’s encouragement. I had always loved to write, but with the click of a button, I was choosing to share my passion with the world. That moment of bravery would change my whole life. It would open doors beyond my wildest dreams. It would find me standing in places I never imagined. It would lead to my current job. It would create spaces that invited me to think critically about film.

15 years later, I have attempted to write honestly about the world as I experience it, with thousands of essays, poems, reviews, and projects. From the very beginning, there was always an invitation for friends, family, and complete strangers to join me.

Writing is the thing I would do even if no one was reading. Without a doubt, though, it has been the greatest honor of my life to have my work read. On this journey, we have loved, laughed, and cried together. Along the way, I hope we all felt a little less alone. And I hope we all learned that no one should define themselves by their worst days.

As I reflect upon this milestone, I am thinking deeply about essays that served as inflection points. I experience these inflection points as moments when my writing changes, a new audience presents itself, and/or I can write more openly. In honor of 15 years, I thought we might revisit some of those essays. Some of these essays are hard for me to read. I am often my harshest critic, but I think it is necessary to revisit these time capsules. As a personal exercise, I want to see how much I have grown as a writer. Together, I hope we can see progress and change.

 My First Attempt

To read this essay, click here.

I love this quote from Ashley Hetherington. “I wonder about all the things we miss out on when we stay in comfort zones. When we stay safe, when we don’t take that chance, that could change everything.”

I was so nervous about hitting “post” on my first essay. Privately, I had been sharing essays and poems with trusted friends for years. Sharing something on the internet felt terrifying. With the click of a button, I would release control. I would be vulnerable. Nevertheless, I persisted. It was something I had to do. I am so thankful I did.

With some courage, a prayer that the world would be gentle on me, and a promise to give this journey my best effort, I published. Then, I didn’t stop. I shared. Perhaps I over shared. I worked through my struggles, my losses, my love, and my emotions. I did it out loud, hoping to find a community, and with a hope that those going through the same challenges might discover they aren’t so alone. By doing so, my whole life changed, and I changed right alongside it. 

 To My Brother Lucas, My Family, and Friends

To read this essay, click here.

I have never written something more important than the eulogy for my brother’s funeral. Flying from Seattle back to Oklahoma, I began crafting the words I would attempt to share. I would finish it in Debbie Morey’s office. On a Friday, I delivered them to a crowded funeral home. The entire process felt like an out-of-body experience. In reflection, I see a man working through the stages of grief.

Since then, I have written extensively about suicide, depression, and grief. The outpouring of support with every essay has been overwhelming. What has been more amazing to me has been hearing from people who are struggling. I have been told my words helped them see a little light in the darkness. As a writer, I don’t think you can long for much more than that.

 An Honest Post

To read this essay, click here.

The day the Supreme Court made marriage equality the law of the land, I ended years of struggle and come out. After I pushed post, I headed for the Washington coast. Camping on Shi Shi Beach, I was without a stable internet connection. I did not know how the world was reacting to my confession.

When I finally returned to civilization, I felt an avalanche of love and support. Since then, I have a met an amazing man who loves me deeply and makes me feel as if anything is possible. We are engaged to be married and are planning for the future. Looking back on this post, I am so grateful for the courage and the journey that delivered to such a moment. But I also cannot help but hope for better days. I dearly wish we would reach a point when it isn’t necessary for someone to come out anymore. I wish acceptance and love were our default settings.  

 Los Angeles, I Am Yours/California Stars

To read this essay, click here.

Rereading this essay, it feels like it was a lifetime ago when we left Seattle for Los Angeles. Honestly, it just feels like yesterday when we moved back to the Pacific Northwest.

I still deeply miss Los Angeles. I miss the friends, the work, and the community I built there. I found the change I needed in my life in Southern California. However, my partner does not feel the same way. Moving back was hard, and as you will see from the essay below, building a new community has been one of the greatest struggles in my life. But I haven’t given up on Seattle. I am still here doing the work, hoping for better days.

Seattle (An Essay)

To read this essay, click here.

I write and publish a lot of essays, but I rarely turn my focus inward. In this essay, you can see my personal struggles laid open for all to see. Talking about my own mental health is rarely something I do, but this piece exists because I needed to say these things to someone.

Since publishing this essay, calling Seattle home again has become easier, but the struggle remains. Looking back at my life and all I have written, I see a myriad of inflection points. With the future laid before me, I cannot help but wonder what the future inflection points will be. How will I respond? What will I write about them? How will I find community in those moments?

Be good to each other,

Nathan

My Favorite Destinations, Part II

When small talk gives way to deeper conversations, a world of thoughtful insight reveals itself. Penetrating through questions about where one works and lives, opportunities to know someone more deeply start with simple, but profound questions.  

“What travel destination changed the course of your life?”  

Nine little words strung together with a real chance to know someone. At the best dinner parties or conversations over drinks at a bar, questions such as this have been served. It is one of my favorite questions to answer and it is something I am always happy to investigate in a new way.  

Traveling to New York City has changed my life. My first trip was shortly after finishing my undergraduate degree. With a tax refund burning a hole in my pocket, my roommate and best friend created an itinerary we called “The Epic Journey.”  

From Oklahoma City, we would drive east toward the Smoky Mountains. Once there, we would camp, hike, and commune with nature. From Tennessee, we would drive to Washington, D.C. In our nation’s capital, we would take in the sights and brush up on our American history. From there, we would take a train to NYC.  

Of course, the best laid plans often go awry. So much of that trip did not go as expected, but the last roadblock soured my mood. Stuck in Washington, D.C.’s infamous traffic, we missed our train to New York. Out of options, we drove to New York instead.  

Driving into Manhattan in a yellow four-door car during rush hour is an experience I never want to relive. Frustrated from trying to find a parking garage near our hotel, I finally got out of the car and told my friend he would have to take it from there.  

With a car safely parked and bags stored in a hotel room, we began exploring the city. Since that trip, I have returned to New York two more times. Once in 2011 to visit a friend from Oklahoma and again in 2021 with a buddy of mine (also from Oklahoma). After each visit, my opinion of the city grows more positive. Far from the tourist traps and into the neighborhoods people call home, New York is making sense to me.

New York is overwhelming in the most beautiful way. In canyons of glass, steel, and concrete, you move with masses of people from all around the world. Motors run, sirens scream, conversations spill out into the street, and aromas attempt to lure you into countless restaurants, eateries, and bodegas. It takes more than a few days to consume this city. I imagine a person might spend their whole life exploring its many corners and never fully appreciate it all.   

It is a daunting center of American culture and demands attention. From television to film, from books to articles, and from art to all other forms of expression, it is a current that moves people around the world.  

On these trips of mine, I have wondered what it would be like to live within its confines. Where would I work? Who would my friends be? What would I call my favorite shops, restaurants, theaters, and spots to gather? How would I shape New York and how would it shape me? Would the lifestyle harden me, or would I keep some version of myself?  

Unless an opportunity I cannot ignore arises, I will never know the answers to these questions. I can only analyze the immediate and shortened experience of travel. In that review, I see a person changed forever. New York has deepened my sense of wonder. It has made me a traveler who can overcome the frustrations that visit every trip. Here, I’ve learned to walk and explore without an agenda. My only guide is what catches my attention. Here, I’ve learned to hold on to each special moment. Not everyone gets to travel like this, and I should count myself lucky. Here, I’ve learned in a mass of humanity you can find community, but you must work at it.  

Yes, traveling to New York City has changed me for the better. My visits are far from through. There is still so much to learn and experience. Who knows what version of myself I will find on the other side?  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan