Unapologetically for Peace

I grew up with stories of war. From an early age, I understood my father was a veteran of the Vietnam War. My dad never hesitated to share his story, and he revealed even more as I grew older. When I finally arrived at a mature enough age, the carnage, pain, and disbelief my dad experienced became images seared into my mind that remain to this day.  

My senior year of high school, the events of September 11th, forever altered my country’s sense of self. High on patriotism and a need to satiate helplessness, answering the pleadings of a war-minded President’s call to arms briefly crossed my mind. Afghanistan seemed necessary. Iraq, not so much. Deeply questioning my country’s foreign policy sent me in a new direction. Stories of torture and photos verifying cruelty of American ideals cemented my new mindset.  

When I stared in the mirror, I did not see a person hungry for conflict any longer. I saw a pacifist, and a man dedicated to the pursuit of peace. My upbringing and the media I consumed could have delivered a more predictable outcome. Instead, they molded me into a man unapologetically for peace.  

Taking this stance, it was not long before temptation began lurking around unexpected corners. I tested my resolve in Libya, Uganda, Syria, and Ukraine. Witnessing the devolution of man play out on battlefields across the world via my television screen has made me question these strongly held beliefs of mine. If war begins when compromise ends, surely, I can find some justification for my country’s exercise of its military might.  

In all these conflicts, I still long for compromise or, at the very least, a peaceful end to barbarism. I still believe man is better than battle. I believe our common humanity can eventually persuade maniacal leaders and sycophants to the negotiation table.  

At that table, compromise often requires sacrifice or surrender. I acknowledge the threat of retaliation is often the force that draws people to such a place. This makes perfect sense to me. I just wish peace was our default setting and not some point we arrived at after unimaginable bloodshed. Ego is often the thing standing in the way. The war in Ukraine is a perfect example. It is a war being fought over past grievances that will never end until the ego of Ukraine’s aggressor shatters. War will be the hammer that shatters ego, but I cannot help wishing for a different path.  

I am not naïve. I understand the instrument of war and the results it can achieve. Perhaps I long for our better angels to rescue us. Maybe, I wish for a world that can never be because man’s true nature is violent. Still, I will never stop pushing for peace. If I want anything to come of this, I long for an overdue shift in the paradigm. I want a world where peace is the only choice and war is an impossible thing to ask of your country.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan  

My Dad and Vietnam

My father died proud of his service during the Vietnam War. Whether he felt the war was justified is still shaky ground. Nevertheless, he was a proud Navy man, proud of the friends he made, proud of the places he visited abroad, proud of the doors opened because of his service, proud of most of the experiences collected.  

He understood the protests but died angry at those who protested the war by turning their anger and outrage toward those fighting. When my younger brother returned from the war in Iraq, I sensed some jealousy and a bit of relief that America had learned to protest a war without anger being directed at those who serve. For his part, patriotism would have never allowed my father to burn his draft card. He was a poor kid from Manitou, Oklahoma. He was not headed to college. So, he chose to enlist. If he had to go, he wanted to see the world and he knew the Navy would provide that opportunity.  

From Hawaii to Australia, to Singapore, to Japan, to Laos, and many more destinations, this kid from a rural community was able to see the world. Those experiences sustained him. He talked about them often and with deep appreciation. When the travel bug started biting me, he would often encourage me to head for Singapore and the Singapore Hilton. Once there, I had to have a Singapore Sling. That experience is still on my bucket list.  

My dad famously wore a Vietnam War belt buckle. This is how I learned of his service. Naturally, my questions began. My father was always patient and protective. As a young kid, he would talk about patrols, friends, his love of Japan, trying to keep his mother from worrying, and the music of the era. As I grew older, he began to reveal much more.  

I would learn of the time he was on guard duty in a tower. They were instructed to keep people away from their camp for fear of bombings. While in the tower, a small Vietnamese child began running toward the front gate. My dad yelled at the kid in Vietnamese and English, “To Stop!” “Back Up.” The child kept running. My dad fired warning shots, but the child insisted. Eldon was forced to shoot the kid and he exploded. Someone had forced the child to wear an explosive device and run toward the camp.  

I also learned of the night my father and his platoon were captured by the North Vietnamese. They were taken into custody, tortured, and fed meals covered in excrement and ejaculate. Knowing his food was being tampered with, my dad and the other sailors ate rats running through their cells (one of the reasons he could not stand to watch anything with rodents in it).  

Fed up and seemingly out of options, my father asked the guard on duty to come to his cell door one night. When the guard arrived, my father pulled him violently close, and they stole his keys. Freeing the others, they escaped. In the chaos, my dad’s best friend was shot and killed.  

Both events traumatized my father deeply. His nightmares lasted well into the ’80s and were often violent. When I look back on these stories, I am shocked and saddened, but there were also laughs to be found in his stories of war like the night he discharged his weapon in a barrack because his fellow sailors were being lazy and did not want to go on patrol. He was promptly demoted for that episode.  

Listening to those stories and reflecting upon them now, I cannot imagine being 18 or 19-years-old in the same ordeal. I do not know if I possess or will ever possess that sort of strength.  

When I was a senior in high school, my dad came and spoke to my American history class about his experience. It was the first time he told many of the stories I have shared here today and many of the stories shared around our kitchen table. If I am honest, I have never been prouder of my father than I was in that moment. He inspired me that day. We became closer friends after that experience.  

Eldon, my father, and my friend is gone now. He fell victim to a cancer directly linked to Agent Orange exposure; a chemical used in the Vietnam War to clear thick foliage. His battle with cancer lasted 10 long years. In all that time, he never blamed or cursed his country. He praised his care and the Veterans Administration. He was patriotic until the very end. As his son, this patriotism inspires me still.  

I have many thoughts about war. It is the devolution of man and only begins when compromise ends, and we should always pursue peace more than anything else. Still, my father, the man who made us stand perfectly still during the National Anthem and would not let me come home on my 18th birthday until I registered for Selective Service, makes me want to be a better patriot.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan  

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War, Part II

Wise men believe in time.

They worship its healing abilities.

With each passing day,

The pain loses its strength.

Flashbacks end, eventually.

Nightmares quiet themselves.

They are replaced with the wishes of civilians.

Soon, you begin to realize there is more to life.

Death dates get rescheduled.

Pushed into the future, with the same hands that reclaimed a sense of freedom.

A new day.

A new beginning.

Life begins anew. 

Be good to each other,

Nathan

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War, Part I

War comes in many forms.

Rarely is the same form visited twice.

Cancer is war.

It is an enemy that attacks all fronts.

Burying a son is war.

A tragedy greater than any experienced on distant shores.

Finding the strength to fight on is hell.

Something unexpected and required of the living.

Pushing forward is your life.

You do it better than most.

Your life should not be defined by war.

No. It should be defined by your ability to overcome.

Be good to each other,

Nathan 

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Eldon, Part IV

Home, sweet home.

Feet firmly planted on American soil.

This may have been your bravest step of all.

With each move on California soil,

Spit is flung from the mouths of cowards.

You can support the troops without supporting the war.

This idea is generations away.

Moving through the crowd dressed in all white,

You stood tall like a giant.

Obscenities rained down on your home soil.

You were taught to be better.

You plowed ahead as if moving through the fields of your youth.

Many versions of war await you.

For now, you’re happy to be home.

Deliverance comes in many forms.

Be good to each other,

Nathan 

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Eldon, Part III

How did you get here?

A boy from Frederick…

A life defined by a cell.

These moments are meant to crush normal men.

You aren’t a normal man.

No, you’re a caged bird meant to fly.

And soon you’ll make your greatest escape.

As you do, lives will be forever changed.

Each decision will alter the timeline.

Space and time will bend.

Men will be left on the battlefield.

Lives will be saved.

Boots and blood; blood all around.

Crimson shines brightest in the moonlight.

Years from this moment, you’ll blame yourself.

The night will be filled with terror.

Please remember though, all you could do was run.

You still had wars to fight.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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Eldon, Part I

Martyrs from Manitou don’t die.

They give of themselves completely.

A life chained to the field wasn’t him.

He was always meant for bigger things.

The fault of a father can’t deny him.

Shortcomings never make very impressive shadows.

Where the father fails, the mother shines.

Her love guides him.

The pain stays with him to this day.

You should know this, as we lower you into the ground,

No man can beat him to death

And you never could.

Our hero is and was destined for bigger moments.

War was around the corner.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

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Empire

The empire is guilty of numerous sins. 

It hasn't always acted like the emblem of justice. 

More blood stains its hands than Pontius Pilate. 

Interests often blind her from obvious truth. 

Still, she is war ready. 

Her armies and commanders of the sea stand guard. 

Because every once in a while she gets it right. 

She brings truth. 

She brings fairness. 

She brings justice. 

On occasion, she can be a global symbol. 

Now, red lines in the sand find themselves crossed. 

The empire shakes with anger. 

Loss of innocence, we cannot tolerate. 

Her people will soon be on her side. 

She is war ready. 

Thanks for entering my world, 

-Nathan 

Guest Spot: Stephanie Jensen

Guest Spot is a recurring topic on Natetheworld. In it, I provide a guest author a piece of media and they write a response to it. This month, I am featuring my sister from another mother, Stephanie Jensen. As an aside, she produced this piece before Sept, 11th. I am really slow. 

To see the original Rolling Stone Article, click here. 

John Lennon was never my favorite Beatle.

I understand it’s heresy to say that as a Beatles’ fan.

I realize I just surprised most people who believe they understand my musical tastes.

John Lennon was never more delusional than when he wrote this song. Hope is a sort of delusion though, isn’t it? The concept of a peaceful world is as concrete to me as Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds is to a sober listener. I can list a dozen songs I think have as much power as Imagine does, but as I listen to the beautiful Eddie Vedder sing it for the first time publicly, I kind of believe the hype.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, because a day like that is necessary since suicide is reaching epidemic proportions. More veterans now die by suicide than in combat. War is hell. Tonight President Obama will speak to the country about ISIS, about conflict, about things we think we know the answers to but expect him to fix instead. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the worst terrorist attack on American soil. Tomorrow is a reminder of a day when people just jumped, because they could not see another way.

Playing this just once, and only after all these years, changed my comprehension of the song. While I’d not engage in a Pearl Jam versus Beatles discussion, I will say it took this performance for me to feel better about my own stance on war. Because, you see, I am not anti-war. I’m anti-war without cause. I’m too humble and insignificant to believe I should make the call of when to go, or when to bring them home. I’m pro everything Eddie Vedder says here: humans, peace, love. While I’m no longer willing to call myself a cynic, it’s simply unrealistic to me to believe in a world without war.

Because even if we stop fighting over borders and religion and oil and egos, we have to battle inner demons—our own and each other’s. Today, though…today? I can listen to this song over and over and respect Eddie Vedder for making a massive impact by simply responding with art. By defending himself and his band with someone else’s better words. By finally reaching a girl in Oklahoma who is fighting to put her feet on the ground every day, in a world that is the opposite of these lyrics.

No, John Lennon was never my favorite Beatle, but he did say I was a dreamer and, because of him, this song, and this performance I can’t help but believe I’m not the only one.

Stephanie Jensen