Original Social Network

A part of me secretly wishes for the end of social media. As you shake your head, I am aware of the dissonance that exists in writing such a statement as I share this in a desperate attempt to be read. Believe me, I wrestle with this truth every time I hit the share button. So, maybe a rephrase is in order.  

I proudly wish for an end to social media as we know it. These tools have become revenue generators. In exchange for access to a free platform, we sell ourselves to the highest bidder. This bidder then sells us ads based on the information we have shared about ourselves. These tools are no longer about connecting us to each other and a broader community. They are a marketplace where you and I can be found on every aisle.  

I long for a social media platform mirroring a public square. I long for community, connection, and a positive exchange of ideas. If ads must exist, I want them to be focused on connecting me to others with similar passions as they are to selling me something. I long for a square where the loudest voices no longer dominate the conversation. I need a space where venom and vitriol are not rewarded. I think we deserve a social media that looks a lot like the spaces we share together.  

Think of all those places where face-to-face discovery is allowed to flourish; the dinner table, a corner booth at a bar, over coffee with someone new. Now, think of those larger spaces where the same thing occurs; a concert, a museum, a baseball game. I think we deserve a social media modeled after these shared experiences and one where the same rules apply.  

In these spaces, we are allowed to uncover the truth through conversation. We are given space to be vulnerable, passionate, and open. If done correctly, everyone is invited into the conversation. No idea is labeled bad, false, liberal, conservative, or anti-something. Instead, we commit ourselves to a journey of understanding.  

I think we also deserve a space where it is okay to not know things; a space where ignorance is bliss. I think we deserve a space where lightning responses aren’t rewarded. I think we deserve a space where the chaos of responding to horrendous events doesn’t score you points. Instead, I long for social media where thoughtfulness is the ultimate goal. I long for social media where we all agree that no one has all the answers, but a journey toward truth is shared.  

I write all this knowing I have backed myself into a utopian corner. I write all this knowing utopia isn’t possible because man is flawed. I write all this knowing such a place can never exist because some men just want chaos. Knowing this, all I can do is change my behavior.  

Using the tools before me, I can attempt to model behavior. I can create spaces, groups, and events where the mission is to exchange ideas. In those spaces, I can work to make sure all voices are given equal time. When people respond with venom, I can refuse to reward them for their behavior. The space I hold can feel more like a dinner table and a lot less like Fox News or MSNBC. I can show the world my mission is to learn and I am willing to change my mind. I can show the world it is perfectly fine to find yourself on a continual journey toward truth and understanding. My social media can feel more like a face-to-face conversation and a lot less like a battlefield. Knowing utopia isn’t possible, all I can do is model a social media environment I hope to see in the world.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan  

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Better Than My Words

"Why You Should Take A Social Media Sabbatical" by Paul Jarvis

To read the original article, click here. 

One of my clients told me that social media sabbaticals are the new treks through Nepal. Taking a social media sabbatical is trendy, takes some courage, and for most westerners, it’s outside the realm of possibility. But (thankfully for me), it doesn’t require as much physical fitness as a hiking the Himalayas.

I’ve spent the last two months on a break from social. No tweets, no instas—nothing. I went an extra step and stopped sending newsletters or doing interviews, as well.

Rewinding to whatever “the norm” was before my break: I spent lots of time on social media. As an author, product maker, self-employed, brand-builder type person, I’ve used social to build awareness of what I do and what I sell. I use it to connect, network, and stay in touch with friends (most of whom I’ve become friends with on those networks).

There haven’t been active notifications on any device I own for years (they’re far too distracting). So even before my hiatus, I only noticed social when I logged into it, which was often.

I went from a few hours a day on social to none.

And it was quiet.

Almost eerily quiet.

Remarkably, it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it’d be. The time I would have spent tweeting or posting photos was spent working instead. And my work was done quicker. Not just because the time typically spent online socializing was replaced with space, but because I had no choice but to work on my work for longer. Which meant I could get more efficient with it.

For those of you who may have been following along with me, you already know about my penchant for experimenting. One of my favorite experiments is to take something I think I can’t live without and try to eliminate it from my life.

Sometimes I fail (for example, living without furniture is possible but really bad for one’s back). Sometimes I realize what I thought would be lacking isn’t lacking at all (like when I turned off all notifications on all my computers and phones). One time, I realized that giving up spending any money for six months (other than for food) makes it really hard to publish a book that requires money to hire experts (like editors, photographers, etc).

What I liked about my experiment to take a long break from social was that it opened up space. Space to think. Space to be alone with my thoughts. Space to explore.

And most of all, space to focus.

But that’s boring!

Neil Gaiman (who’s at least 42.7 times more smart than I am) says that the best way to come up with really awesome ideas is to get really bored. But we don’t let ourselves get bored anymore.

When all the small gaps in our days are filled with refreshing or sharing, there’s no room left to just sit and breathe and let whatever thoughts that want to happen… just happen. There are more ideas—not fewer—when you remove noise.

There is no longer space in our lives. We can’t wait in line without getting on our phones. Or sit on a bus. Or eat. Or wake up. Or wait for an elevator. Or watch a sunset.

Extra, dangling seconds force most of us to reach for our pockets and pull out our tiny computers that connect to the Internet. We must scroll and react to whatever shows up on our screen, as if by some neurological impulse.

Social media definitely forces me to think about whatever is on my screen. Sometimes it’s something I don’t want to think about, like football (American or European). Sometimes it’s something that riles me up, like proposed pipelines going through my Province. Sometimes I’m taken from a happy place to being angry, frustrated, sad, or hurt.

It’s all outside of my control because I’m passively letting whatever stimulus floats into my tiny screen affect me.

When social is gone, I’m more in charge of my stimulus. I get to pick what I want think about (sometimes) and what I focus on. Or what I want to learn more about or not learn about at all.

When you work for yourself, social media is almost like a water cooler. I miss that aspect of it, because most connecting in my day happens online. Sure, I still text with my good friends or email or Skype. But the circle of people I connect with is much smaller when I’m not on social.

Without social, I only connect with people who I’m decent friends with. Not the periphery of people I like and like to interact with, but am not very close to. Without social, there are no new people in my circles, either. So my world got smaller.

Sometimes a quiet small is good.

There are no interruptions, no comparisons of what I’m doing versus what others are publicly achieving. No mob to join in with or chastise when current events become the hot topic. There’s just me—myself, my thoughts (a scary picture – painted by rats with a penchant for the macabre), and my work.

I realized that society doesn’t stop happening if I’m not tuned into it 24/7. Bigger things will find their way to me, maybe not instantly, but when I’m ready for them. Important people will stay in touch. Even though 60+ days passed, social won’t be a drastically different landscape with new rules and customs.

Who knows if I’ll be on social media less now that my randomly chosen amount of time to be off it has passed. Or if I’ll go back at all. Most of the time now, unless I’ve got something silly to say or I miss people there, I don’t feel like I want to go back. I don’t mind that the space it used to take up is now simply kept as space.

Unlike a trek through the Himalayas, I’m not sure if I’ve come back from this sabbatical a changed man or with a radically different view. I’m certainly not more worldly (although I have grown a dishevelled beard). But it does remind me that sometimes feeling like I could be missing out is really just missing out on the present.

And the space to focus is a truly wonderful thing for a creative mind.

Quit Worrying About Being Relevant

This message is for me, but I have a feeling I am not alone. I've seen the studies and so have you. Published paper after paper speaks of the impact social media has on our brains. It is fundamentally changing our character. We are now caught on an endless affirmation cycle. We are measuring our lives based on feedback. I, for one, know this to be true. I scroll through newsfeeds and measure myself compared to friends. I see how many people are reading someone else's blog. I see likes and retweets. You begin to wonder, "Why not me?" Or worse, "have they forgotten about me?" It can become consuming and depressing, until you remember you're more than a collection of likes and shares. 

You are a living, breathing human being. You are more than your social media presence. You are more than viral moments that never seem to last. In a world where people only present their best selves, don't fear being able to stay relevant. In all that you do, stay true to yourself. 

In this quest, learn to love an analog life. Realize, not every moment is worth sharing. Some things are meant just for you. They don't need to be documented and fawned over. Hold them in your memory as long as you can. As the memory fades, make room for something new. 

Finally, disconnect often. Find quiet places where technology isn't allowed to intrude. Find places where peace and the selfish are allowed to flourish. As you progress, remind yourself social media is a communication tool that should be adding value to your life. If it isn't or it can't, leave. Let nothing steal your worth. 

Thanks for entering my world, 

-Nathan 

Adding Value to the Conversation

There is a global conversation happening all around us. The birth and popularity of social media have increased the number of people contributing to the conversation. In many ways, this is a good thing. When coupled with the freedom of speech, the conversation is no longer controlled by the rich, powerful, and well connected. With that power though, I often wonder if we are adding value to the conversation. 

In graduate school, it was hard to not succumb to the temptation of raising my hand every time a question for discussion was proposed. With participation points acting as the devil on my right shoulder, I developed a filter: Does what I have to say add value to the conversation? If it did, I raised my hand. If it didn't, I worked to stay actively engaged in the conversation. 

I am now beyond graduate school, yet this filter stays with me. Why? Clutter, that's why. When I was an undergraduate fraternity member, Daniel Stockton and I were having a conversation about leadership. I left him with a parting thought; "Your actions should demonstrate you're a person worth listening to." If we want to add value to the global conversation, we must do more than speak. We must also go about the business of doing. 

So, I've applied these rules to my life. Not every thought that comes to my mind is worth sharing, posting, or tweeting. This filter helped me realize that. I still fail. I say silly things, post pointless things on social media, and write blog posts unworthy of reading. I would also like to think I am a person worth listening to and when I do share I am adding value to the conversation. 

Thanks for entering my world, 

-Nathan