Dear Pacific Crest Trail (2023)

September 07, 2023 in Essays

Dear Pacific Crest Trail,

I have not forgotten about you. I hope you have not forgotten me. You were once such a consuming thought. Never in my life have I given so much of myself to a dream. Never have I poured so much energy into something. I spent countless hours researching, training, saving, and planning. I talked about you to anyone who would listen. I shared my dream with anyone who seemed to care. You were my north star. You were a constellation brightening the darkest night. Everyone I met in Los Angeles and everyone who followed my story online knew it.

Family, friends, and total strangers rallied to support my dream. They offered to mail me food boxes on the trail. They went on practice hikes and backpacking adventures with me. They donated to help fund this dream of mine, and they even helped purchase gear. I have never felt so loved, supported, and encouraged in all my life. I may spend the rest of my days chasing those feelings.

In an instant, my dream vanished. Three days into my journey, a global pandemic sent us home. In an abundance of caution, it was the right call. Sitting in a cabin in Mt. Laguna, a mere 30 miles from the Mexican border, we watched the news. Airports and borders were closing. Government agencies were begging people to stay home to slow the spread. Businesses were locking their doors. Eventually, the Pacific Crest Trail Association asked us to head home.

Hitching a ride back to San Diego to regroup, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I was heading home with nothing more than hope that I might return in a month. I was not heading home because my body betrayed me. An injury, poor financial planning, or some family emergency was not calling me home. I was heading home because of something completely out of my control. No amount of research, training, saving, or planning could prepare me for that feeling. I felt utterly helpless.

In the months that followed, I battled a profound sadness and a deep sense of loss. Slowly, the news went from bad to worse. It was clear we would not be returning to the trail in 2020. In a few months, my life radically changed, and nothing went according to plan. The loss left me feeling lost and heartbroken, and I had to navigate a world that I did not understand or care to know.

All the while, I never forgot about you. Three days were not enough. I need to see you again. Just so we are clear, I never stopped planning and searching for a way to return to you.

There is no date circled on my calendar. I do not know when we shall meet again. For now, I count myself lucky enough to have you near me. As you snake your way through Washington state, I plan on walking as many miles of you as the weekends will allow. I do not know if a thru-hike, section hike, or weekend trips via a conversion van that I can call my own will reunite us. All I know is that we shall meet again. Until then, do not forget about me. I certainly have not forgotten you.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Box Hikes: The Pacific Crest Trail - The Bridge of the Gods

August 18, 2023 in Video

On March 13, 2020, we began hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. A global pandemic had other ideas. On March 13, 2021, we returned to spend some time with a friend we were just beginning to know.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Captured: PCT/Bridge of the Gods

May 08, 2021 in Captured

On March 13, 2020, we started hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. 2020 had other ideas. In celebration of what might have been, we drove to the Bridge of the Gods and said hello to a friend we were just beginning to know.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

This website exists because of readers and supporters. If what you just read made you smile, please consider supporting the website with a monthly gift. Your support means everything and proves to the world that original content still matters.

Become a Patron!

And We Have Liftoff (Podcast)

December 14, 2020 in Podcast

In today’s episode, I will be reading a piece I wrote back in March of this year called, “And We Have Liftoff.” I wrote this piece before we began hiking the Pacific Crest Trail…

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!

Out/Back: The Pacific Crest Trail, Mile 0-40

November 24, 2020 in Reviews

Day One

We rose before the sun. Ate some breakfast. Made final checks to our gear. Put everything in the trunk of my friend’s Honda Civic. Hugged and accepted final wishes for good luck and an unforgettable journey. Then, we began driving toward San Diego and then onward to the Southern Terminus of the Pacific Crest Trail.

As the monument came into view, I will proudly admit that I cried. Two years of training, preparation, saving, and sacrifice had culminated in delivering me to this tiny pixel on a map. We signed the trail log. Took an obligatory photo that we thought would serve as a before photo hungry for comparison to another photo six months in the future. My friend drove back toward reality. COVID-19 was waiting for him. It was March 13th, and we thought the trail was the safest place to be in the world. Far from civilization, we assumed this is where everyone would like to be.

Then we walked away from the monument. A sense of pride washed over me. Everyone deserves to feel as I did at that moment. As we walked past Mile Marker One, it began to rain. There was no more dreaming of the trail. Now, we had to hike it. This would be a completely different exercise.

Day Two

Finding a place to camp at the end of day one was a bit of a challenge. With rain falling and fog clouding our view, we camped near the trail. I awoke to the sound of sand crunching below the feet of hikers passing near our temporary homes. We began a morning routine that we thought we would have to repeat hundreds of times. Breakfast, flavored water, breaking down camp, repacking our bags, and then hitting the trail.

On day two, we climbed for what seemed like forever. Adrenaline was still flowing through every part of my body. Despite the climbs, nothing feels as good as standing on top of something you conquered. On this day, a close second had to be beginning to make trail friends and encountering your first group of trail angels. Making camp with a new friend from Seattle and enjoying hot chocolate, I hoped we were easing into a new routine.

Day Three

My small trail family of three began the arduous process of ascending to Mt. Laguna. Along the way, we met a trail angel giving away beers and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Tired from hiking, I can positively affirm that Coors Light has never tasted so good.

Later that evening, we made camp with 20+ other hikers. Sharing stories over dehydrated meals near a campfire was precisely the reason I decided to hike this trail. Today was a good one. A day I will never forget.

Day Four

It took four pushes, but we finally made it to Mt. Laguna. Exhausted, we found ourselves at the Mt. Laguna Lodge and Trading Post. Snapped back to reality and an internet connection, we could see a rare winter-like storm was headed our way. For me, I found myself fighting serious trail insomnia. Facing these realities, we decided to stay the night. Tucked into a real bed, I realized treating yourself is a part of surviving this journey.

As I lay under the blankets watching CNN, we could see the world was breaking apart. In four days, states had begun issuing stay at home orders. International borders were beginning to close. Unnecessary travel was no longer a priority. Fear around the lack of goods and resources was beginning to take hold. Trail towns began asking hikers to avoid travel. After four days of bliss, the panic over the pandemic met us face to face.

A couple of days later, the trail association which issues permits for the trail asked hikers to go home.

With this on our mind, we could not in good conscious continue knowing we might carry the virus to a rural community with an elderly population lacking access to medical resources. In four days, the dream of a lifetime was halted by a once in a century event. I would spend the next 8 months wrestling with this reality. For now, my dream is on hold, but the fire still burns deep within me.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!

Box Hikes: The Colorado Trail, Waterton Canyon to Breckenridge

October 22, 2020 in Video

On March 13th, 2020, we began hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. COVID-19 ruined two years of planning. Still hungry for adventure, we looked toward the Colorado Trail.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!

Box on the Pacific Crest Trail (Journal Entry #24)

September 09, 2020 in Essays

On March 13th, 2020, I will begin hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada through California, Oregon, and Washington. This ongoing series is an attempt to document the entire journey from beginning to end.

I am walking 2,650 miles to End Polio with Rotary International. Support my journey!

CLICK HERE TO HELP ME END POLIO

Hiking with Others

I have spent countless miles hiking alone, which is something I had never attempted before moving to Washington. I have spent much less time hiking with others. In my mind, both have their benefits. By myself, I am free to pick the pace, stop when I please, and create my own routine. Hiking with others, the experience is shared, conversations evolve naturally, and those around you can serve as motivation. On the Pacific Crest Trail, I will spend everyday hiking with others. While I will miss the freedom of hiking alone, I am longing for the experience of creating a tribe and conquering a grand quest together.

Joshua Tree Again

Standing at the beginning of the California Riding & Hiking Trail, I always knew Joshua Tree National Park would be my final practice hike before the PCT. Of the thousands of words I have written about my time in the great outdoors, those words reserved for this place have meant the most to me. In all reality, I have only begun to explore the depths of its meaning to me. For now, all that is before me is one final adventure in paradise and another experience I hope to cherish for the rest of my life.

The End Is the Beginning

With the California Riding & Hiking Trail behind me, my two-year journey toward fully preparing for the Pacific Crest Trail comes to a close. In that span of time, I have hiked hundreds of miles, researched tirelessly, purchased, and used gear I never imagined myself owning, and I have created experiences I will share over beers at dinner parties for the rest of my life. Now that I am done, this chapter of my life has come to a victorious close. Next, I will begin writing an entirely new book. What will fill those pages, I have no way of knowing, but I long to begin.

I Am Ready

I now find myself standing in the gap of time between the inception of this journey and its true beginning. The work to get here is finished. Now, I am solely focused on the hiking before me. Sitting here, writing this, countless emotions are consuming me. I find myself excited, nervous, anxious, filled with confidence, doubting all I have done, and much more. I can only assume this natural. This is part of the journey. While it feels uncomfortable, I am not ignoring these feelings. They are teachers and I am their student.

The End of the Series

For the past two years, I have attempted to document every step of my preparation for this trail. If you have made it this far in the series, I want to thank you. Thanks for reading, sharing, and encouragement. While it is my body that must do the work, I am not walking this trail alone.

For those beginning to prepare for their own journey on the Pacific Crest Trail, please count me as a resource. I love this trail and can talk about hiking all day. Please do not hesitate to reach out. I will answer what I can. For everything else, I am sure I can point you in the direction of a resource I found valuable.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!

Box on the Pacific Crest Trail (Journal Entry #23)

August 25, 2020 in Essays

I am walking 2,650 miles to End Polio with Rotary International. Support my journey!

CLICK HERE TO HELP ME END POLIO

Documenting in the Wilderness

With each hiking trip, I find myself becoming a fiercer advocate for time in the great outdoors. I find my time spent hiking to be both mentally and physically restorative. I love how I feel after hiking so much that I have begun preaching to family, friends, and anyone who stumbles across this website. A piece of that preaching is sharing essays, photos, and videos from my adventure. In some small way, I see it as a positive form of propaganda.

Watching the Forecast

Preparing for the Pacific Crest Trail, I have been forced to become a better observer of the weather. I have also learned some needed lessons about how to respond in certain situations. If rain, find tree cover. If dark clouds begin gathering, get below the tree line. If thunder and lightning begin, avoid open fields and stay away from metal objects. In life, I have always been able to seek shelter during less than ideal weather. Soon, I will have nowhere to retreat. I am hoping these lessons serve me well and keep me safely hiking.

Beginning to Finish Life in LA

I have two months left in Los Angeles. For two years, I have dreamed of hiking this trail. While I have made every preparation possible to reach this dream, nothing has prepared me for the emotional journey of leaving Los Angeles. Besides my affinity for Seattle and the very real challenges of living and working here, I have fallen deeply in love with Los Angeles, and all that is has come to mean to me. I am positive there is much more to explore on this topic, but for now, you should know leaving here was not supposed to be this hard.

Romero Canyon Loop

Romero Canyon Loop outside of Santa Barbara, California was my second to last practice hike before hitting the trail. With rolling hills, steep climbs, and a desert climb, I found it to be a perfect practice hike. Being able to stare at the Pacific Ocean all day also served as wonderful motivation. Several times, throughout the day, I found myself lost in thought soaking up the vastness of the expanse before me. I thought of the millions of other people who have done the same thing. I wonder how many of life’s great challenges have been solved just by getting lost in crashing waves for a while.

Final Practice Hike

In February, a couple of friends of mine and I will attempt to hike a portion of the California Hiking and Riding Trail in Joshua Tree National Park. This overnight trip will serve as a final opportunity to test gear and dial in my needs. It is also fitting this journey of preparation ends with Joshua Tree. Without a doubt, this park is my favorite and served as my first official hike in California. I can say, without reservation, this hike will be an emotional one. Another one of those emotions I did not plan for when this all began.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!

Box on the Pacific Crest Trail (Journal Entry #22)

May 08, 2020 in Essays

I am walking 2,650 miles to End Polio with Rotary International. Support my journey!

CLICK HERE TO HELP ME END POLIO

Worried About Money Again

The fear of having enough money will probably never go away. I landed my first job when I was 12 years old; a paper route delivering the Frederick Leader. I am now 36 and the longest I have ever gone without a job is 2 months, but even during that time I made sure I had enough resources to see me through to the end. Even during the most challenging times, a certain level of financial security has always been there. Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail will mean five to six months without a job. I will be living off of my savings and the kindness of strangers. For me, this is an unknown and it means the fear will never really go away.

Shopping List Complete

After two years of researching, planning, and shopping, I finally have everything I will need to complete every phase of this journey. Holding my camp shoes, the last item on my list, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. A sense of calm and pure joy washed over me. Two years ago, I set out to accomplish something that is both logistically and physically challenging. Now, with everything in tow, only the walking remains.

Permit Approved

I survived the Pacific Crest Trail Association permit approval process. When I downloaded the permit from the website and stuck it to my refrigerator for safekeeping, this journey moved from the abstract to reality. No longer was this something to be discussed over drinks with friends or dreamed about while I sleep. My permit was permission to embark on a once in a lifetime journey. Finally, I had been granted clearance and I was ready for lift-off!

Fundraising Support

I want to thank everyone who has donated and pledged support for my PCT journey. Early on, I knew I wanted to use this journey to do something bigger than just a hike in the woods. As of today, we have raised nearly $2,000 and I have several thousand dollars pledged for donation after the journey is complete. More than the dollars raised or the prospect of ending Polio in our lifetime, I am moved by the community that has grown around this dream of mine.

Less Than 100 Days

The calendar now says we are less than 100 days away from the beginning of this journey. I cannot help but wonder what the drive to Campo will feel like. What emotions will I feel when I see the monument? How will it feel to walk away from that point on the map into the unknown? What will Mile 1 bring and all those other landmarks I am expecting? Soon, very soon, I will know the answers to these questions. I do know this; those feelings will defy my wildest expectations.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!

A Reader on a Journey: “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed

May 01, 2020 in Reviews

For my 2019 writing challenge and in preparation for the Pacific Crest Trail in 2020, I am spending the entire year reading and writing about books focused on a journey. For my 11th book, I am reading “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed.

Trauma and the Trail

No one comes to the beginning of a 2,650-mile journey without a reason. Sure, we are all seeking adventure, but if you dig deeper everyone has something bigger, they are chasing. For Cheryl, it was rebirth and a need to wrestle with the demons of her past. For me, my journey was meant to be one of self-discovery and an ultimate test before fully facing the trials of adulthood. No reason is better than that of someone else. Our reason is our burden and gift to shoulder for five to six months.

Alone

I am writing this post on April 29, 2020. I began my PCT journey on March 13th but was forced off the trail because of the spread of COVID-19. While I remain hopeful, we will be able to return soon, I am so very thankful I was able to experience the trail with others. During the day, I spent a lot of time hiking alone, but for breaks and camping every night I was surrounded by new and old friends. The challenge of the trail is only part of the experience. These moments of community are what I am hungry for more than anything else.

Hiking for a Reason

If I am able to return to the trail, I will do so with a renewed sense of purpose. I only got to taste four days of this trail, but it was already beginning to do magical things within me. For the first time in a while, I found true silence and an opportunity to ponder deeply. I was enraptured by the beauty of it all and left longing for more. In the sadness of choosing to leave the trail, I have found new reasons for hiking and I cannot wait to explore them more deeply.

The End

Cheryl’s journey ended at the Bridge of the Gods which spans the Columbia River between Washington and Oregon. Once upon a time, this frustrated me. In my mind, Cheryl received a lot of attention for her hike but skipped the beginning of the trail, the Sierra Mountain Range, and all of Washington. I held some secret grudge against her for this. Now, trying to piece together a different kind of journey for myself than I imagined and with a new idea of what this trail can do no matter how much time you spend on it, I find myself in admiration. I guess I owe someone an apology.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

Become a Patron!