2016, One Second at a Time

Be good to each other, 

-Nathan 

Yearview Mirror

2016 (n.) 1. A year taking place two thousand and sixteen years after the year of our lord 2. A year filled with cognitive dissonance 

I don't know how to better describe 2016. For many, myself included, it is a year I can't wait to see finally end. On a national and international stage, the year was filled with heartbreak and unbelievable events. So many musicians, actors, and influential people passed. The world seemed to be succumbing to terrorism and we watched Syria sink further into chaos. We also watched the 2016 Presidential Election wondering if the two major parties had truly nominated the best of ourselves. Almost weekly, we didn't have debates over policy, but instead over character. We saw the rise of the alt-right, which I won't normalize here and instead refer to as the racist and xenophobic wing of the Republican party. Still, more people needlessly died in mass shootings and at the hands of law enforcement. If one was looking for hope, they had to look elsewhere beyond 2016. 

I was forced to turn inward. Through the lens of introspection, my 2016 was a great one. Instead of going through a litany of events that made this year grand, I would rather focus on something I learned this year. 

This life is beyond belief when you allow yourself to love and be loved. 

This is a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and trouble, but I am a firm believer in learning life lessons when we need them the most. My 2016 was wholly focused on learning to let someone in, being honest with my emotions, and learning to build a life with someone that matters. I went the better part of a decade being selfish. I was concerned with my well-being first. This allowed me to focus on my career, move across the country, and learn to be my most true self. There is a time and place for everything and my selfishness had a time and a place, but I soon found myself wanting more. "The whole of human experiences is meant to be shared." I longed to give of myself to someone else. I wanted to build a life together and focus on shared ideals. In the midst of a two-year relationship, I have discovered exactly that. In 2016, it became a reality and something I plan on dedicating the rest of my life to this journey. 

In 2016, I learned to love. I also learned to allow myself to be loved. In 2016, I learned I was worthy of love, but I also discovered I am pretty great at giving it away. It is now my solemn hope that those who choose to surround themselves with me feel love, happiness, understanding, focus, and a passion radiating from without. If I continue committing myself to this pursuit, I am positive I can withstand any reality delivered to me from the outside world. 

So, here is to 2017. The world set a pretty low bar for you. It won't take much for you to succeed. If for some reason you decide to follow in your brother's footsteps, I will be ready. In fact, we all will as long as we stay focused on the things the truley matter; giving love wherever we go. 

Be good to each other, 

-Nathan 

Song of the Moment: Matthew Mayfield "Team"

Be good to each other, 

-Nathan 

I Resolve

“In the words of Vice President Joe Biden, “this is a big f**cking deal.””

My 2015 was dedicated to curiosity and self-care. Last year, I made a conscious effort to avoid resolutions. Instead, I decided to focus my attention on an overall theme for the year. Resolutions may work for some people, I know I have had my share of successes and failures when it comes to attacking an overarching goal for the year, but deciding on a theme was about changing my approach. Entering into year two of this mindset, I couldn’t be prouder of the change in attitude.

For 2016, I resolve to retire selfishness and learn to share more of myself with the people I love. On the surface, I know this can seem a little vague, so allow me to dig a little deeper. In the next couple of weeks, everything will change for me. For the past year, Brandon and I have been playing for the weekends. We talk or text almost every day, but due to busy schedules and his living an hour north of Seattle, we are only able to get together on the weekends. For most of our relationship, this has worked, because it had to. We both knew it would be unsustainable though. As we grew closer, the need for something more would grow in importance.  

With that in mind, we have decided to move in together. I can practically hear some of my friends and family gasping. Yes, my friends, Nathan is in a relationship and is going to attempt this co-habitation thing. In the words of Vice President Joe Biden, “this is a big f**cking deal.” This is a particularly big deal for me.

For most of my adult life, I have had to depend on myself and no one else. Now, don’t get me wrong. Family and friends have always been close by, if I needed them, but where I work, who I love, what I do with my money… my big life decisions have been mine and mine alone. A fraternity brother in college once told me that he could never see me settling down in one place with one person for too long. Shocked, I begged him to explain why. The seed for his idea? My love of independence. J.D. was right. I do love my independence. I love the freedom. I love the pressure. I love the weight resting on my shoulders to make things happen. Something, or I should say someone, changed all of that from love to loved. Now, I refer to those things in the past tense. I loved my independence. I loved my freedom. I loved the pressure. I loved the weight resting on my shoulders to make things happen. Now, I am being called upon to retire notions of selfishness. I am being asked to change my worldview and share my life with someone.

This may come easy to some, but it will be challenge for me. I am already making strides though. I have shared my Google calendar with Brandon, so we can jointly discuss and manage our time. We have had several conversations about finances (one of the weak spots in my armor) and I am learning to be vulnerable. I am also learning to ask for help with those things in which I struggle. We are having big conversations about the house, work, and our future. With each word we utter and every problem we work through, it all becomes easier. With every trial, I get closer to making this whole thing a reality.

So, if you’re working toward a goal or a theme, I hope this post moves you to keep trying. Resolutions fail, because we accept failure. Failure is a part of the process my friends. Within each and every attempt, there is an opportunity to learn and move forward. We just have to stay determined. That is what I wish for you this year, determination. And, if you need a cheering section, I am here for you.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan