Leaving has become my thing. For 27 years, I held a place dear. The people of Oklahoma, my family, and my friends meant everything to me. They were my whole world. Then, one day and seemingly out of the blue, I no longer saw myself in the flag of the place where I was born. For my mental health, I had to leave.
Seattle became the next place to hold dear. My first six months were not easy. More than once I thought to myself, you have made a tremendous mistake. Soon, I found my tribe, convinced another lost Oklahoman to make a dramatic change, came out, and then I fell in love. Then, one day and seemingly out of the blue, I found myself growing restless once again. Grasping at new opportunities, we chose to leave.
Los Angeles became the next place to hold dear. For two years, I was torn between the place I just left and where I found myself. Still, I plowed forward, dug into meaningful work, got involved, found a new group of friends, and became obsessed with a grand quest. Then, one day and seemingly out of the blue, I was back in Seattle in the middle of a global pandemic with no real options.
Seattle has once again become a place to hold dear. Knowing this, I am flooded with questions and no easy answers…
Has leaving become easy for me? Are the people in my life just placeholders? Should people be fearful of me leaving? Will I just hurt them? Will I leave something better as soon as an opportunity presents itself?
I am just beginning to explore the answers to these questions. Simply and at this moment, I know these things to be true.
The people in my life matter. No matter how long I call a place home, leaving people I love is never easy. Despite the distance or the direction the wind blows, I will always do my best to maintain the relationships in my life. With that said, there is no way to know what the future holds, and I will never deny myself an opportunity to do meaningful work on a grander scale or experience something new. So, yes, the people in my life should be fearful of me leaving again. It is never my intention to hurt anyone and I value the quality of friends over the quantity. I hope this means we can be more than “single-serving” friends.
Seattle is the place to hold dear. In the next chapter of my life, I will find myself supporting my partner as he chases his dreams. This might mean Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, Atlanta… One day and seemingly out of the blue, we may be gone again flying in defiance of a normal life. Know this, leaving is never easy.
Be good to each other,
Nathan
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