I am no culinary snob. On late nights, you can see my motor running in line for food that satisfies but later will cause massive regret. Chain restaurants know my name. Still, despite all Pete Davidson’s begging, I am not eating from the Taco Bell breakfast menu.  

My late-night trips to Taco Bell are often born out of a need for convenience. I have either worked late and abandoned the idea of stirring pots and pans upon my arrival home or I am drunk. There is no other reason for me to visit the Bell. Nathan, with free evenings, doesn’t eat fast “Mexican” food. A sober Nathan doesn’t either.  

Taco Bell fills a void and then punishes me for it. Without getting too grotesque, the Bell is a lot like a shotgun. I am spraying or praying. Either way, I am filled with regret. Alas, I never learn my lesson. But I have learned a lesson. I will not begin my day in pain and agony. Life is rotten enough. Why add more turmoil to my day?  

Which leads me to a broader point. There are lots of other things I will never do. Most are silly. A couple are serious.  

Despite moving to democratize space via tech billionaires like Twitter’s current owner, the King of Blood Diamonds himself, Elon Musk, I will never go into space. Now, I would relish the opportunity to launch into orbit and stare back at the big blue marble. My mind races with thoughts about such an opportunity. I can only imagine the creativity it would unleash, but I know it isn’t in the cards. I didn’t start a bookseller in my garage (thanks to a loan from my parents) that is monopolizing online retail. I didn’t name every company I own after a virgin. My parents steered clear of the aforementioned blood diamonds. No, I am a simple man from a middle-class family in Oklahoma. Space is something I stare at from afar. It is not something I will ever do.  

I am writing the following sentence under the sense and acknowledgment that I am about to insult you. Apologies in advance for your poor taste in music. I also know that if you were to rifle through my massive music library, you will find artists you despise. I await with bated breath your think piece.  

I will never like the Eagles, Aerosmith, KISS, Bon Jovi, AC/DC, or Imagine Dragons. Hotel California is a venue I really want to leave. Steven Tyler ruins almost everything. KISS feels a lot like a well-staged house. Sure, the pictures are interesting, but what is lurking underneath doesn’t match reality. Bon Jovi is the worst thing about New Jersey. NEW JERSEY! AC/DC hurts my entire body. Imagine Dragons make the Eagles bearable.  

In the eighth grade, I owned a pair of Shawn Kemp’s Reignman II. Much like my Jordans from the year before, I loved these shoes. They made me feel like I was a better basketball player (I was still average). They worked well with both shorts and jeans. They were everything a kid could want, but then a thief stole them from my locker. For the first time in my life, I was the victim of thievery. It felt like an unforgivable violation; a violation I still have not forgiven or forgotten.  

Out for dinner with friends or resting on the bar top, I see I am the odd man out. In group chats, there are always some snarky comments. Letting someone borrow my phone, I always hear, “How do you work this thing?”  

Your guilt will not force my hand. I will never own an iPhone. I will never play in your closed sandbox. My brand loyalty does not belong to the Android operating system. Rather, it stands in defiance of conformists who love to pretend they are early adopters or that innovation visits them first. In reality, you are always a couple of generations behind (just ask my Google Wallet). 

Now, let’s get serious...  

I will never understand why we are so awful to each other. I will never understand bullies or those who cannot find the time to help those in need. Believe me, there are moments when I am astounded by man’s ability to show grace, love, and kindness. Perhaps it is the media or some sort of conditioning, but I wish these moments did not feel as rare as an eclipse. I wish I found myself commenting on the normalcy of people giving a damn.  

I will never understand those who are so quick to throw in the towel. There are so many moments that define a life, but none as powerful as our ability to rise above some monumental challenge. These course-correcting moments present an opportunity to rewrite the script, but we must lean into them. Choosing not to fight draws an alternative path of least resistance, but it also writes a story that feels dull and expected.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan