Relationships require quiet spaces where each member can retire to find themselves. For me, these spaces can be found in our spare bedroom, out with friends, reading alone in a coffee shop, or hiking a trail. In these spaces, I am allowed the freedom to process my thoughts. I can gather new experiences in these spaces and use those moments to bring spice to my relationship.  

Relationships also require trust and consistent communication. This trust and willingness to share must come naturally, or the relationship will falter. I can freely admit trust is not something that comes naturally to me. I wasn’t born this way. Distrust was sewn into my being thanks to prior relationships. The hurt I carry from partners who cheated, lied, or led me on has given birth to a version of myself I don’t necessarily like. I also know the wandering spirit I must quiet. Forcing these realities together, jealousy is born. Jealousy, and its all-consuming ways, can often get the best of me.  

When jealousy swells within me, a battle is born. On one shoulder is a mischievous spy with a deep desire to uncover the truth. It screams go through his phone. Search his tablet. Try to catch him in a lie. On the other shoulder is a saint begging me to respect his privacy. As the war wages on, I do all that I can to quiet its riot. Violating another person’s privacy is a destructive force and it tramples honesty. As we’ve learned, no relationship can exist without honesty.  

So, I struggle. I measure myself and others by an impossible standard of loyalty. I find it to be the highest order of man. I try and fail, but I attempt to be open, honest, reflective, and respectful of those spaces we must retreat to for a relationship to thrive. Love continues to be my driving force. It motivates me to do and be better. In this case, for my own mental health and the future of my relationship.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan 

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