Every relationship is tested. Platonic, familial, or romantic, it makes no difference. Every relationship will enter a period of trial and tribulation. On the other side of this battle, are several outcomes. The relationship will be stronger because it was forged in fire, it will crumble like clay, or it will escape with visible cracks that will never be fully repaired.  

As you enter these periods of strain, you must know certain things about yourself. Is this relationship worth saving? Do I think we will be better because of this challenge? Is the pain worth it? Who do I want to be when this over? How will this make me a better friend, family member, or partner?  

The answers to these questions come in phases. Some are known at the beginning. Others reveal themselves slowly. A few will only be known when hindsight becomes 20/20. But some things remain true no matter what is learned. Not all relationships are worth saving. Some friendships have expiration dates. Never give up on family. Give the best version of yourself to your partner. If that still isn’t enough, then the outcome is out of your hands.  

I write these words as a friend, a member of a dynamic family, and a partner. Many of my friendships have been tested. Some were built to last. Others saw the light flicker away. Family relationships have been tested beyond belief due to tragedy, selfishness, distance, and hundreds of other obstacles. Some of those relationships get the best version of me. Others find me emotionally exhausted. A handful of partners existed before Brandon. He is all that remains for me, but there have been a couple of instances when this thing almost fell apart.  

I moved to Los Angeles two months before Brandon. I went to look for work, find a place to live, and to get to know our new home. When I left, I felt our collective excitement. As the weeks began wearing on us, time and distance became unkind. The reality of our situation was doing unbearable things to our relationship. Coupled with the expense of moving, the difficulties of finding work, the challenges of finding affordable housing, and the stress of transition, we found ourselves tested in new ways.  

A week or so before Brandon was to arrive, things reached a boiling point. We both found ourselves needing to hold something more than a telephone. We decided to move forward with our plans, but it would take months for me to heal. For Brandon, I think it would take leaving Los Angeles.  

In a long-distance relationship, I learned some things about myself and who we had become together. I learned some of my relationships need face-to-face interaction on a consistent basis. Without that investment, it becomes too easy to walk away. Then, there are relationships in my life that can pick up exactly where they left off no matter time or distance. I also learned that relationships must be experienced in person, eventually. Life is best lived when shared. Finally, I learned from afar, relationships must be observed through a lens of tolerance and forgiveness. Open, honest communication is your saving grace.  

Obviously, Brandon and I survived our trial. Since returning to Seattle, there have been other speed bumps and I know there will be many more, but I feel profoundly prepared to face them because of the time it almost fell apart. For me, this relationship was worth saving. It was worth the pain. I knew if we could survive this, there wasn’t much we couldn’t handle. I also knew powerful lessons needing to be learned awaited me on the other side. I am so thankful for the patience and grace to realize this about the most important relationship of my life.  

 Be good to each other,  

Nathan  

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