A better title for this post might be, “An Extrovert’s Guide to Making It in a New City.” With that said, I think there are some tools here for everyone. Feel free to adapt, steal, and, make your own.  

I have made three big moves in my life. In 2011, I moved from Oklahoma City to Seattle (a place where I knew no one, had no job, and no place to live). In 2017, my partner and I moved from Seattle to Los Angeles (we had a few friends in L.A., but no job or place to live). Finally, in 2020, we moved back to Seattle. If I know myself and my partner, I will safely assume we aren’t done with the big life transitions just yet.  

After a decade of moving across the country and up and down the west coast, I have developed, through trial and error, some tried and true methods for making it in a new city. Without a doubt, many of the lessons were born out of loneliness, fear, and overcoming my own ego. There were many episodes where I found myself standing outside a bar or venue willing myself to walk through the door. More often than not, I summoned a few moments of intense bravery and rose above my embarrassment. 10 years later, I feel as if I could move anywhere in the world and make it. The following is what works for me.  

Get Lost and Discover Neighborhoods You Never Knew Existed  

To learn about a new city, I often use my GPS to get to my destination but challenge myself to get home without the digital crutch. Sure, I get lost, but I also discover wonderful neighborhoods worth exploring on foot. In Seattle, this has led me to Phinney Ridge, Georgetown, Madison Park, and more. In Los Angeles, this led me to West Adams, Echo Park, the Los Angeles Arts District, and more. In each of the neighborhoods, there were wonderful shops, bars, and restaurants to explore. It also presented an opportunity to take the pulse of a city far from the city center.  

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone  

Moving to a new city is defined by stepping outside of your comfort zone. We all have a little voice inside of us cautioning our every move in an effort to avoid pain and embarrassment. That voice is necessary and meant to protect you. If I could encourage you to do one thing, I would implore you to silence this voice to the best of your ability. That voice keeps you in your apartment. It keeps you from solo adventures exploring the city. It keeps you from making new friends. It keeps you from chasing new opportunities.  

Find Socially Active Groups to Join  

For all the faults of the internet and social media, it does possess a real power to bring people together. During my move to Seattle and Los Angeles, Meetup, Facebook Groups, and basic Google searches around things that interest me have proved invaluable. Thanks to these tools, I met others who were in the same position as me. People who shared my hobbies, interests, and passions. I have even met friends who remain to this day. Without hesitation, I would be back in Oklahoma without this help.  

So, move. Look for somewhere to volunteer, a social group to join, and perhaps a sports league. All three will keep you busy and connected to a larger community.  

Go to Bars Alone  

This one was the toughest for me. It also doesn’t necessarily have to be a bar. It can be a movie, concert, art show, or any other public gathering. Why? Because, in my experience, it helped me get out of my comfort zone, gain an unfiltered view of the city, and I found myself more willing to engage with strangers over a shared experience.  

Of course, you will think people are staring at you. You will feel awkward and reach for your phone in an attempt to avoid the gaze of others. Own that feeling. Let it be your superpower. Do not let it define you. You moved for work, family, or a radical change. Be open to that change and do not let others define the experience for you.  

Explore Your Hobbies 

Before 2011, I could have never imagined hiking alone, sitting in a theater alone, or exploring my foodie side without a friend or partner. Up to that point, my life had been defined by shared experiences. I moved to Seattle, in part, because I wanted to be open to new cultural experiences. Without a network to rely on, I had to attend to these things alone or miss out on the experience. I didn’t move 2,600 miles to miss out! So, I sat in the theater alone. I hiked miles alone. I requested a table for one. I felt odd and weird, but also immensely proud of myself. Standing there, I found myself overcoming something that would have held me back in the past. No more! Now, I choose my own destiny.  

Don’t Worry About Embarrassing Yourself. No One Knows You.  

I have written 800+ words to make this overarching point. You may think people are staring. They aren’t. You may think people are judging. They aren’t. You may think people are looking down on you. They aren’t. But if they, who cares? They don’t know you. You don’t know them. If the city is big enough, it is highly likely you will never see them again. So, do what makes you happy, judgment be damned.  

Find a Neighborhood Where You Feel Comfortable and Safe 

This was especially true for us in Los Angeles. Your home should be a sanctuary. It should be a place where you can recharge your batteries, process, and plan. It should be a place you feel comfortable inviting others and hosting. If possible, it should be walkable to your future favorite haunts. It should be home base – a place you can explore comfortably.  

In closing, these are a few things that have worked for me when transitioning to a new city. If you are making a big move, I hope they will work for you. If you have already done so and found other tips and tricks that have worked, please drop them in the comments below. As I mentioned at the beginning, I assume there are more adventures before us.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan 

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