1/29/21

It is not selfish to advocate for yourself. No one understands your needs better than you. Know your worth. Know your value. Know yourself. Give your best. Give it freely when you can, but always know your worth. These are all things I have constantly told myself throughout the journey of searching for a job. I want you to tell yourself the same things.

1/28/21

I will never ever leave a job again without securing another job. I never ever want to be unemployed again. There is no joy in worrying, struggling, and fighting to survive. I also have a newfound respect for those struggling to find meaningful work while also providing for their families. No one should be allowed to take advantage of the system, but people are really struggling and we should recognize that.

1/27/21

I was offered a job yesterday. It is not at the salary I wanted, but it is a job and will help steer this ship in a different direction. So, I am going to take it. But I am also going to keep pursuing my dream of becoming a writer and a film critic. Nothing will keep me from chasing that dream. This life is too short to not do something you love. I know that now.

1/26/21

I longed for a return to Seattle, but due to COVID-19, I have been trapped in my home for 10 months. I have not been able to return to my favorite bars, restaurants, stores, and venues. I miss old friends. I miss the experience of discovering a new place and meeting new people. I miss Seattle. I ache for the opportunity to return to some version of normal.

1/25/21

If I could get paid to do anything in the world, I would write with reckless abandon. I wish I could turn my hobby into a functioning and profitable business. I have spent so much time waiting to be discovered. Instead, I have been discovered by family and friends, but no one who could change my life for the better. Perhaps, it is time to quit waiting for the world to come for me. Instead, I must go to it.

1/22/21

Lately, I have been thinking about death a lot. Not death in a morbid sense, but as a tool for reflection. By the age of 37, I assumed I would have achieved more. I assumed I would have been more widely known, I would have more accomplishments to my name, and my legacy would have been more solid. Instead, I feel the sting of mediocrity and normal. It hurts. It is disappointing. And I am not sure how to fix it.

1/21/21

After ten months of looking for a job, I have my first job interview yesterday. I felt confident, accomplished, and capable. I am not sure if I will land the job or if the salary will meet my needs, but it felt good to get back out there.

1/19/21

Tomorrow, I have a job interview. It is not my dream job. It is not necessarily what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I am finding myself called to this particular organization. After a year of tremendous disappointment, I am hoping this will be the first silver lining of the year. I feel prepared, ready, and slightly relieved.

1/15/21

I have now been without work since March of 2020. I have about $1,500 left in my bank account. Credit cards, a car loan, insurance, and cell phone bills will all be due soon. In the middle of February, I will find myself broke and unable to afford another month of payments. If I am honest, I am terrified. I am terrified about what this means for my finances, credit score, my chances of landing an apartment, and my overall mental health. In so many ways, I am prepared to quit chasing my dream job. My desperate situation is forcing me to settle.

Be good to each other,

Nathan

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