When I wrote of holiday travel and spending time with my dad while he was in the hospital, I had no way of knowing it would be the last time. I did not know in May of 2020 his decade-long battle with cancer would end. Knowing what happened after this trip made it even more profound and special. It also cemented a belief within me. Our time is not promised and neither is the time of those we love. Take advantage of every opportunity before you to let them know how you feel. The easiest thing you can do is show up for those special moments.

Point B: LAX to OKC to SEA to LAX

My Dad’s Health

I spent much of my Christmas holiday in the hospital with my father who has had cancer for well over a decade. Complicating matters this time around were pneumonia and renal failure. As I walked into the ICU after being picked up from the airport, I had never seen my father look so weak. It was a shocking and jarring experience. It is an image I will not soon forget and serves as a reminder that we are in a race against the clock. In the next couple of years, I plan to make more trips to Oklahoma for unexpected visits. In no shape, form, or fashion whatsoever do I find myself prepared to let this man go, but I would never be able to forgive myself if I watched him slip away from afar.

Matt Patterson

Matt Patterson has been a constant in my life since our Freshman year of college. For eight years, we were roommates and nearly inseparable. When life gets chaotic or I have big news to share, he is the first person I must tell. He will be the best man at my wedding and will be there for a thousand more adventures. Standing next to my father in the hospital, Matt was the first person I called. I do not know where he was in the city. I do not know if I interrupted his plans. But once again, he dropped everything and was there for me. Matt, I do not know if you will ever read this, but I must thank you for continuing to be the very definition of a friend.

Family Dynamics

As my father started to feel better, he was able to have more visitors. When I arrived back at the hospital after some last-minute Christmas shopping, I found a room filled with my brothers, nephews, and nieces. It was overwhelming and probably exactly what my father needed. For over a decade, we have each had a special role to play in my father’s health. My mother is the medical expert. Clayton is the muscle and physical support. I am the rational one. The nephews and nieces are there with love and laughs. To see all those dynamics on display in one room exemplified family. 

Mark Scott

Not far behind Matt Patterson is Mark Scott. Mark and I share a deep love and appreciation for music, love a good strong drink, and find ourselves lost in laughter for hours. When we meet up after some time apart, we pick up exactly where we left off from the last time we were together. We fight like brothers but have each other’s back through thick and thin. Just like Matt, I cannot vividly picture my life without him in it.

Different Christmas

I love Christmas. I am not one of these people who starts playing Christmas music in August, but I dearly love the holiday. I love gathering with family, eating way too much, opening gifts, and getting things I do not deserve. This Christmas was a little different though. With my father in the hospital, the house was not decorated. Gifts were not under the tree. Food for the giant family meal had not been purchased. Wanting to make the best of a difficult situation, I launched into planning mode. I helped my mother wrap presents, decorated the tree, and cooked a small meal. It was not the holiday we were used to, but we were together and that is all that mattered.

Back in Seattle

After leaving Oklahoma, I headed to Seattle to spend time with Brandon and his family. While I was in town, Brandon had to work. This meant I was free to explore the city. I visited our old neighborhood around Alki, walked Seattle Center, and drove without any destination in mind. As I did, all the things that made me fall in love with this city in the first place started coming back to me. In September of 2020, I will be returning here for good and I cannot wait to make this home once again.

SIFF Uptown

SIFF Uptown Theater is such a special place. Here, I have watched countless movies. Here, I have cried, laughed, explored, and been tested in unimaginable ways. I have not loved every movie, but I loved the experience of contributing in some small way to an organization dedicated to the craft of independent filmmaking. For as long as I am able, SIFF will count me as an audience member and a supporter. In some small way, I see myself repaying a debt for everything they have given me over the years.

Buying a House

Brandon and I are starting to have serious conversations about buying a house. Saving and wading through the Seattle housing market is overwhelming, but we are committing ourselves to the investment. More than actually owning something that is ours, I am proud of this tremendous step in our relationship. It is a display of commitment. It means we are building a life together and thinking of the future. For the first time in my life, I can see beyond just dating a person. I can see forever.

NYE

New Year’s Eve is overrated. We spend all year building up the celebration in our minds and most of the time find ourselves disappointed. With the exception of a year-end celebration spent in Las Vegas, I have never attended an event or party that lived up to the pictures in my mind. After years of disappointment, I am choosing to get rid of the expectations. All I want is to be surrounded by people I love and welcome in the new year. Anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

Reclaiming Seattle

As my plane took off from Sea-Tac Airport and Seattle became smaller and smaller below me, I was filled with sadness and optimism. When I return here to reclaim Seattle as my home, I want to bring the best of LA with me. I want to build a bigger network of friendships. I want to get involved in my community. I want a career focused on something near and dear to my heart. I want a home. I want adventures that mean returning home. I want to be filled with pride about the place I hang my hat. I want Seattle to be mine all over again.

Be good to each other,

Nathan 

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