Way back in 2002, I was a freshman in college at The University of Central Oklahoma. I didn’t come to college with the intention of joining a fraternity, but peer pressure and groupthink are powerful forces. As Rush Week began, we made our way from house to house meeting members and listening intently to their pitch. Each bragged about academic standards, trophies won in intramural sports, sorority relationships, engagement in student government, membership in various clubs, and they would turn, like clockwork, to the size of their alumni network.

With so much in common, I made my decision based on friendship. I was told the men around me would be the best-men at my wedding. They would be present for the birth of my children. They would be there for the highs and lows of life. These men would be friends for life. Thinking about who I wanted those men to be, I decided to become a member of Pi Kappa Alpha; a decision I have never regretted and still fills me with an immense sense of pride.

Now, I write this letter as a 36-year-old man living in Los Angeles, CA. I am still involved in the fraternity. After leaving Oklahoma, I moved to Seattle and served as an advisor at the University of Washington and now find myself in a similar role with the colony at Cal-State Northridge. My network of fraternity contacts has grown beyond those I went to school with all those years ago, but in the last few years, a new reality has become true.

My pin number is 5. I belong to the Alpha Pledge Class of Lambda Iota; one of thirteen members to serve as the first new member class at UCO. Yet, beyond social media updates, I don’t keep in touch with anyone who I came to know in the fraternity all those years ago. Since its founding, the Lambda Iota has swollen to nearly a thousand members, yet again, beyond social media, I keep in touch with very few.

Now, I know time and distance make things challenging. I chose to move away while many of my brothers remain in Oklahoma. Keeping relationships strong with thousands of miles between us is nearly impossible. Kids, responsibilities, and the very nature of how we communicate has made things even more complicated. Still, I can’t shake this feeling of wanting the reason I joined this organization to remain true. I want my brothers to be there for my wedding and all those special moments worth celebrating.

With this in mind, I am challenging myself and you to change this reality. I know I am not alone in this feeling, but we aren’t helpless. A telephone is a powerful tool, so are simple messages to those with whom you care. Also, local alumni groups, please think those of us who have moved away. There have been countless events I would have attended if I was given a longer runaway. And I am willing to do my part! Do you need a volunteer or someone to sit on a planning committee? I am your guy and so are countless other members.

This reality is not impossible to overcome. We can be better than social media. We can communicate more authentically, and we can be the brothers we promised ourselves we would always be.

Best,

-Nathan

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